Loughtagalla Times

Rock stars, diplomats, and insects that know karate. And why you should never turn down an invitation.

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IN A FORMER LIFE, during my days with Rich & Famous Records, I once sent an invitation to the Japanese ambassador, asking if she would kindly attend the launch of the new single by the rock band Susie. The new record was called Made in Japan, and it only made sense that the land of the rising sun should be represented at this prestigious event.

The ambassador sent me back a very nice letter, politely declining the invitation on account of how she had plans that night to watch two flies having a karate fight on the wall. Or something.

I felt she was making a mistake she would regret for the rest of her life. But at the same time this letter made me very happy, since getting officially turned down presented an opportunity in itself. I promptly wrote a press release outllining the ambassador’s refusal to attend this major cultural event, a snub that could have a devastating effect on sensitive international relations, not to mention the sales of Honda Civic motor cars to the enormous boy racer community.

I sent this to Hot Press, thinking that any self-respecting rock magazine would be all over this breaking story about a hard-working band getting the cold Oriental shoulder from the very people they sought to honour. And even if they only gave the yarn a few column inches, it would be nice publicity.

Of course I should have known better, because by this time Hot Press had lost its soul and was no longer home to some of the best music writers in the business. It was now being run by a bunch of pretentious spoofers whose idea of a  rock ‘n’ roll  story was a four-page feature on what the Manic Street Preachers ate for brunch last Sunday.

(Jackie Hayden was a notable exception here. The veteran critic once described Susie as, “the band most bands only think they are.” Clearly a man of fine taste but unfortunately Jackie wasn’t running the ship.)

So what I got back was a snotty email from an obnoxious deputy editor, basically telling me to stop wasting her time.

And so Hot Press missed out on the biggest music story of the year. And not surprisingly, the magazine has since descended into total irrelevance.

As for the ambassador…well, did anyone ever hear of her again? No, they did not. Since making tbat colossal blunder so many years ago, she has vanished into utter obscurity. And it is not hard to imagine that there have been many cold, lonely nights when she has cried bitter tears into her sushi, silently cursing every fly who ever wore a black belt.

Susie, on the other hand, have gone on to become living legends. As have I, but you already know that.

The moral of this story? There is none. Except to say that if I ever send you an invitation, even if it is only to hear me singing Wake Me Up Before You Go Go on karaoke night in the nursing home, don’t make the foolish mistake of saying no.

That never turns out well. 

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CURRENT LISTENING: Twisty — This Pill Will Cure You

Susie’s former frontman Twisty is a bit of a Renaissance Man — music maestro, teacher, and children’s author. I don’t know if he creates serene waterlily oil paintings by the shores of Lough Derg, in the style of the post-impressionist masters. But it wouldn’t surprise me at all.

He also continues to make very fine records. This is his latest.